So, I have been talking a lot about this new adventure where we don’t tell my kids to do chores anymore and they actually step in and do stuff around the house when asked (once only) or even, get this, without being asked! A lot? It is the ONLY thing I have been talking about lately but that is because it is HUGE for us and it is taking up a lot of my thinky brain– you all will be TOTALLY SICK OF IT by the time I am finished, trust me. It is almost as if this whole “unschoooling” thing actually works when applied to other areas of life– who knew (and those of you who did, hush up– you have one a beautiful job not saying I told you so and I would appreciate it if you continued NOT saying I told you so. :))
So, it is still on my mind because I am still working through it so of course this week’s Plank Pullin’ is totally about that.
Here is the thing: I am messy. I like to have things look neat and deliberately get rid of clutter so it is easier to keep things neat (used to be a total pack rat–took 6 moves to make me stop)– when we have a lot of stuff I stash things and pile all the stuff I don’t know what to do with in one corner/drawer/cupboard/out of site. My husband is fairly messy as well– he likes things neat and clean (no bugs) and will keep his desktop clean (well he declutters a lot more often than I do– you do NOT get to see my desktop but just know that as long as I have a spot for my water bottle I am happy) and if something starts bugging him he will do something about it, not complain to me about it. He is also my absent minded professor– so when someone asks who left the cheese out, it was probably him. 🙂
So WHY am I surprised that my kids are packrats and tend to leave things behind when they are doing something (my oldest especially.) They get it from US! And my biggest pet peeve, the stufing and putting off doing something? ME! ME! ME! They get it from ME!Oops.
You see, this week I helped my oldest rearrange her room (so she had a “wall” between her and her younger sister’s bed) and whilst doing that helped her clean the pile of junk she shoved into the closet when she was having company. I was angry and irritated about that pile. REALLY irritated. I had been asking her to clean it up for over a month. This time I stopped asking and just helped because I knew she hated the mess and was overwhelmed by it. I was also upset that she still had a laundry basket full of clean clothes sitting on the floor. She gave me all sorts of excuses and I just got cranky about it.
The things is? I have a similar pile in my bedroom. Several similar piles. Sure they aren’t full of garbage like hers (well the bottom of my closet might be since that is where presents get stashed and all those little wrappers and tags end up there, and there might be packing materials and random bits of stuff mixed in with the big pile but…..) I also have a pile of clothes that I can’t be bothered to hang up (because I forget what I have if I hang it up–the closet door closes and I can’t see through it :)) and a huge pile of things that I have move from other parts of the house as we cleaned– because I didn’t know what to do with this stuff.
Did you see the excuses?
See God keeps showing me that MY attitude and actions are what the kids are seeing and copying (also that some of this stuff is just hereditary–you should see all the stuff my brother’s collect, and my dad, and my grandparents:)). So whether I choose to clean up my own act I REALLY need to remember that I have my own messes to deal with first, THEN I can help them clean up theirs.
I have also found that when something really doesn’t work for them I need to adapt things so they WILL work for them. Which is why my kids don’t have drawers– they, like me, stash things in drawers then forget about them (every drawer in our house is a junk drawer except those in the kitchen cabinets that hold designated items). They used to dump their drawers on the floor every time they got dressed. So we got rid of the drawers and put in shelves. We find that having too many clothes leads to mess–they get overwhelmed looking for things that actually fit/feel right, so we go through and get rid of what doesn’t fit or feel right. If a certain type of storage doesn’t work for me, I get rid of it and move to something that does, so we do the same thing for them. 🙂
Just had some tea with my oldest and discussed all the things that we have in common, that drive each other crazy– the messes, staying up all night playing video games, the interrupting, the… you get the idea. And she pointed out how angry she used to get when I would yell at her for something that I do. Yeah. Working on it.